Lets LAUGH!!!

Street Vendor : "I am selling gold watch, please buy! If it turns white, white gold! If it stops, stopwatch!"

girlfriend : hu hu hu hu why are we doing this? I am not anymore a virgin and we have sex twice.
boyfriend : What? We had sex only once?!
girlfriend : Why? Are we not going to have sex later!

Couple talking:
wife : honey, can you fix the light outside.
husband : hello!? I am not an electrician?
wife : eh can you just fix the stairs instead.
husband : hello!? I am not a carpenter?
The husband went out, when he came back everything was fix. He asked his wife who fix the place.
wife : It is because a man saw me crying, I told him we have a lot to fix in our house. So he offered to help in exchange either sex or bake him a cake.
husband : So did you bake him a cak?
wife : hello?! I am not a baker?!


ANG MARRIED LIFE.... Their was this chinese man that likes to go to karaoke bar and went home around 5am. Because he is afraid of his wife, he sent a text message, "Don't pay RANSOM. I was able to ESCAPE. I'm going HOME NOW."

Husband: "We always fight. Let us get separatd instead!"
Wife: "Ok, let us divide our children!"
Husband: "Mine is are the good looking and pretty!"
Wife: "Sus! You choice that is not yours!"

Sa harap ng nursery window;
Friend: I think when that kid grow up, I am sure he will be a good driver.
Dad: Why, it is because his hands are big?
Friend: No. Because he looks like your driver!

Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!

Friend: "Wow, you have a beautiful shoes!"
Husband: "Oo. Surprise gift from my friend!"
Friend: "Surprise? What occasion?"
Husband: "Nothing. I just saw that shoes underneath our bed last night!"

Health Advisory: "Beer contains female hormones, and can turn men into women. After 5 pints.... men become talkative, unreasonable, irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!"

WIFE: I'm warning you! My husband will be arriving in 1 hour!
HANDSOME VISITOR: I am not doing anything wrong, why?
WIFE: That why! If you have plans, DO IT NOW!!!


WIFE: Surprising! You arrive home early.
HUSBAND: I just follow the instruction from my boss. My boss told me, "GO TO HELL", that is why I went home early.

Wife: Love, I am dying. This is my last day, let's make love.
Husband: Heh! You STOP. I have to wake up early tomorrow, good for you, you are not. HE HE HE HE !!!!

Population polic ies of countries:
China Stop at 1 child.
Singapore : Stop at 2 children
Philippines: STOP AT 4 A.M.!

RUSSIAN: we're 1st in space
USA : we're 1st in the moon
ERAP ESTRADA (Former Philippine President): we'll be the 1st in the sun
USA: you can't go there, you'll burn
ERAP ESTRADA: we're not stupid, we'll go there at NIGHT!